Clock wise and watch foolish

The current watch craze feels like a step back in time.

When the frigid temperatures finally hit Wisconsin recently, I put on my heaviest winter jacket for the first time since spring. I probably hadn’t worn it since March, the month that stubbornly refuses to admit it contains the vernal equinox.

Despite the cold, it felt good to put on a warm, comfortable piece you haven’t worn in a while, like a hug from an old, long-lost friend.

When I put my hands in my pockets, I found a bonus – a lost watch I had been in search of for a while. I thought it had been lost for maybe a month or two, but it had obviously been more like eight months.

When I lose things, I’ve come to realize it’s not worth getting too worked up over. When I was a kid and I would lose something, I would charge around the house ranting, “Someone took my gloves/hat/keys! Where are they?” Then I would storm about the house, going through my sisters’ things.

My mom or dad would calmly, but sternly, say, “Nobody took your anything. It’s probably exactly where you left it. Where did you last have it?”

Deep down, I knew they were right, but I’d already put so much energy into causing a ruckus that I couldn’t admit it. Besides, my sisters were always up to no good.

So, I’d grumble under my breath, “If I knew where I last had it, it wouldn’t be lost.”

And my mom would say, “Stop grumbling! If you keep that up, you’ll be grumbling your whole life, and nobody will understand you.”

Even though my diction and volume are now beyond reproach, I contend that nobody really understands me to this day.

But I digress (is that a form of grumbling?).

Back to the present – it was a happy day. My winter jacket was warm, and I found one of my favorite watches without falsely blaming my roommates – daughter Margot or Blackie the wonder dog. It’s just a Timex with a beat-up leather band, but still, I love it.

And I found it without grumbling. Woo-hoo!

I’ve always loved watches, even if they insist on telling me how late I am. Over the years, I’ve lost and found watches of all types – analog, digital – back when those became a thing in the ‘70s. Remember Casio and Pulsar? So cool. Then the trends swung back to analog. Swiss army watches, Swatches, Fossils, you name’em, I love’em.

When I was a kid, I wanted a pocket watch – probably from watching too many episodes of “The Wild, Wild West.” My parents wisely counseled me that if I kept losing watches attached to my wrist, I’d never be able to hang onto a watch tucked into my Toughskins jeans, which were way more badass than “Garanimals.”

Back to modern times – Margot has an Apple Watch that she loves. She tracks her workouts, her steps, and her heart rate. She also uses it to text, and she could have a phone call on it if she wanted to, but whoever talks on a phone anymore besides me?

Can you guess the one function she doesn’t use it for? Yup – telling time.

It’s crazy. Not only does she not use her watch, which she wears day and night, to tell time, but Margot also constantly asks me, the guy who keeps losing watches, what time it is.

She’ll yell from the kitchen, “Dad – what time is it?”

“Why are you asking me?”

“Because the landlord gave us a replacement oven without a clock on it.”

“So?”

“So? They cheaped out on this oven, and now I can’t see what time it is.”

“The landlords are not cheap – they’re into minimalist design. It’s sleek.”

“Whatever. Just tell me what time it is. Puh-lease.”

“You’re kidding.”

“No – what time is it?”

“Why don’t you consult that thing strapped to your wrist?”

“Oh yeah – duh!”

When she asks me for the time again three hours later, I’ll say, “If your watch is so smart, why do you keep asking me what time it is?”

Some smart watch.

Here’s another timely, trendy phenomenon – not only do digital natives ignore smartwatches for telling time, but they are also getting hooked on old-timey mechanical wristwatches.

When the Apple Watch launched in 2015 – the death of the traditional wristwatch was predicted. It was only a matter of time. Ten years later, sales of Apple Watches continue to decline.

According to a recent article in the online pub “The Guardian,” a spokesperson for one secondhand retailer shares that searches are up 34 percent for classic timepieces: “In a world where most of us are glued to our phones, an analogue watch exudes a steady familiarity and classic style that blends both fashion and functionality.”

According to GQ, the trend is being fueled by Gen Z, many of whom have never worn a wristwatch before, typically using their smartphone to keep track of the time.

Patty Hansen of Gallun Fine Jewelry in Cedarburg’s theatre district (she’s right next door to the Rivoli) is my go-to source for everything jewelry and fashion. Patty grew up in the industry and always has an answer you can trust.

When I asked her about the current popularity of watches, Patty said, “While watches are not as popular as they used to be for telling time because of cell phones they are now popular as a fashion accessory, and/or status symbol. Also, some people still wear watches for professional sake because in meetings it would be considered rude to pull out your phone to check the time, so you can slyly look at your watch…”

She took a breath and then continued, “Then of course there’s the status symbol aspect. Rolex, Patek Philippe or Audemars Piguet – these watches can sell for thousands and thousands and thousands if not, in some cases millions of dollars!! For example, I just looked up the prices on some of these watches and there was a model of a Patek Philippe watch that sells for over 7 MILLION dollars.”

Yikes. Time really is precious. Patty packs a lot of knowledge and energy into a tiny, little package. I love the bit about sneaking a peak at your watch on the sly during a meeting.

My son, Will, has a different timeless story. He does not ask me what time it is. He lives in San Diego, so the time zone difference would complicate things even further.

He did, however, perform a cool magic trick with his Apple Watch.

A few years ago, Will was lamenting the fact that while he worked in the fitness industry, he couldn’t afford an Apple watch. For his birthday, I decided to help him get one. It would give him a boost personally and professionally.

But I didn’t know which watch he wanted, so I did some price checking online and then sent him enough money to get a decent Apple Watch.

He was thrilled when I told him about a week before his birthday, so he’d be able to get a watch and wear it on his big day. Then I asked him to send a picture of him and his new birthday watch to me as soon as he got it.

“Sure, Dad. No problem. Thanks again!”

And then… nothing.

The next few times Margot and I Face Timed with Will, I expected him to show off his new wearable of wonder. But he didn’t volunteer anything. I asked Margot if she knew, and she shrugged.

Finally, I ran out of patience. On our next family Face Time call, I made sure Will got the money and then I asked to see what watch he got.

He said, “Oh yeah! Thanks for the money, Dad. I got it. It’s beautiful! So cool!” Then he aimed his phone at a wall in his apartment where a surfboard was hanging on a rack and said, “Check it out – my first surfboard!”

It was a surprise, but I was glad he got what he really wanted for his birthday. He would definitely use it and he obviously loved it.

And it’s cool that he can surf on the ocean while I’m confined to surfing on the web.

With his present, he can say, “Surf’s up!” instead of “Time’s up!”

While I was happy for him, I was a bit sad as the realization sunk in that he’s not moving back to the frozen tundra anytime soon, even if surf enthusiasts from around the globe are calling Sheboygan “the Malibu of the Midwest.”

Alas, I lost track of time as I misplaced my favorite watch again. But I’m not worried. I’m sure I’ll find it by the time the fall equinox rolls around.